Wednesday, December 22, 2004
Today, i went to school at around 7.45am. I waited at the bus stop for Jia Yi and also looking out for pPL. Jia Yi reached already, fEw secs later, Yvonne SR reached. Then we went in together. I sms sOmeone. haha.. sO my intuition about so many things is correct. Yvonne SR went to buy food before we go to class. At class, jUst like yesterday, my mind is sO bLank. I think my brain cells really used up or something. haha.. At IAC, i also cannot think of anything for the project. In the end, is everyone else giving ideas. Then i was there listening and thinking.. bUt nOthing comes oUt.
After school, I went to canteen with Jia Yi and Yvonne to meet Suhana at the canteen. We ate some food and Yvonne went off to meet pPL. Then we waited for Suhana's friend and also went oFF. Jia Yi and I talked. I felt slightly better. I felt that maybe there is chance. bUt now, there is nO hOpe. Maybe the cause is me. I am the one that have uncertainty. sO is my fault. I cannot decide.. sO many things. Maybe, i am a dEvil sent down to hurt pPL.. sO sorry..
I shouldn't be such a busybody. So Nosy.. sO stupid.. nOt everything i need to find out whether i am right. Now you know it, then... wHat should yOu dO. haha.. sO uncontrolable. Only my dog saw me like that. hahaha... even tried to comfort me. hahaha.. stayed beside me. sO cUte and lOyal.
You said your piece and i heard yOurs. She did her part and i know it. I dOn't seem to be the one moving the pieces on the chessboard. Neither is my heart or my mind. I am waiting.... fOr? I... maybe that choice you made is correct. You sHould not do something you dUn like... Do what you like.. i am tired of all the rules.. bUt Will nV be yOu. They can stop all these buT they cannot stop what my heart feels... neither can you. I cannot even control what i feel.. sO there is nO guarantee? So you will not feel secure with what i said. I seriously don't mind the choice you made.. iT is yOur right. I never expected yOu to do anything for me.. cOz.. i dUn know how to repay yOu. Best wiShes... There is still a lot of bEtter pPL in this world. tHanks fOr stepping bAck. ThanK yOu fOr sO mucH things. sO sorry... let nature take its course...
Maybe sHe is right. I am still not able to forget a lot of things. I depend too much on past experience. But, i really cannot forget... and i cannot take it.. eVen juSt like this, i cannot take it. Why am i always saying heArtless is bAd... mAybe one day, i am a hEartless.. ... ya.. so sorry... maybe i shouldn't at all think of anything that link to whatever. yOur friend is also right. At this age... and stuff... sO many pPL said that to me before. Maybe eSPecially to me. bEcause... i am childish and stuff... nAive. You never meant to do any thing bad to me. i kNow. bUt... as a hEartless... one day i will... i wiLL.. not walk out on you.. just plain torture you... Maybe i dOn't know what it takes to dO this and that. sO sorry...
I feel sO.. wanna be left alone.. i wanna walk out of so many things.. in the end, i end up with nothing good either... sO what if i **ss you... sO what if i *i** you.. sO what... i cannot do anything because... i am sO afraid of regrets... not regreting to be w*** you.. but the situation and position i am in... whatever... i dUn understand what i am saying... i am... maybe selfish.. so sorry...
Jack... thanK U for staying here with me...
3:27 PM