Thursday, January 08, 2009
hAha.. today i got scolded by my brother. He said i started it. haha.. but then whatever prediction he said will never come true.. even the things he said like.. what i did before.. erm.. crying?
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haha.. The last time i cry in front of them.. not very long ago.. just the 22 Dec 08 at night.. hMm.. the reason. Becoz i am too angry over some jerk trying to talk bad about someone i care for. Second reason, becoz of the lack of trust and overwhelming sense of his suspicion on me. Which shouldnt even exist. I didnt even cried becoz of the other reasons me brother stated.. eg.. Edmund leaving me sooner or later becoz of my bad habits...
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Haha.. another thing to laugh about on the quarrel we had earlier. I obviously dun have a funny bone installed in me. Coz of my obvious misrepresentation of expression and emotion which lead to the quarrel. I WAS joking. But to him, i was RUDE.
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The last one hurt more. hAha.. i delibrately reacted this way becoz my younger brother reacts this way and i will complain to my elder brother. But he never get like scolded.. coz he can always say "ok" and then do it again.. and again. Maybe i am more honest. I dun say "ok" if i don't want to. I used my actions to show that i am following his orders.. but never agreed to his instructions. Then i jokingly said.. why are u like my younger bro.. can don't keep saying.. haha.. as in.. stop nagging kinda meaning and i am already on my way to follow your instructions.. so can give me a break? This is in my context.
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Then i got into trouble. haha.. i dun see my younger brother got scolded by this issue.. like the not answering issue. Even if someone suspect me on anything.. he gets away with it.. maybe not.. maybe he did get some nice warning.. But this is not the case for me. hahaha.. SO FAIR.
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I don't think i am trusted in this place. They love me.. but they don't trust me at all. A lot of events showed their distrust in me. Like my view to go for Tax profession... As soon as Miss Blah applied and got accepted in Tax department.. Suddenly the Tax Profession gain legitimacy OVERNIGHT and then i am allowed to apply for it. hahaha.. so funny. Then when Miss Blah turn down that offer and accepted the audit ones... Her view changes too. Suddenly, Tax is not so good anymore... If audit is supported all the way, i will not feel that there is distrust in my choices.
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Another situation is.. She just made a comment based on her own observation, then he suddenly turned to me and said fiercely.. What did you say to her? You put words in my mouth! Then i got shocked and hurted. hahaha.. i didnt even say one word to her before she made her comment and/or said anything before that is related to that comment.
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Now here i am.. not showing to them how i feel. hahaha.. actually the way things work here is to follow blindly on whatever instructions is given to me and not say a word. When he scolded me, i didnt say anything at all.. and let him continue.. I know even if i explained things.. said i was joking but is mistaken... all my reasons and explanation will be excuses in their eyes. Since i am wrong in their view, then i am wrong.. there is no need for me to argue. So i just stare blankly.. cant be bothered.. He is waiting for me to say sorry for being rude.. But i am honest.. I will not say "sorry" if i don't want to. So i kept quiet the whole time. THis is my way of handling things here.. not the best way.. but is my way.
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+_Slience is golden_+